Building Independence: Preparing Children With Disabilities for the Real World

The most crucial step in supporting children with disabilities is fostering independence so that they have the skills needed to be successful when they enter the "real world." This involves equipping them with essential life skills and then providing the necessary space to apply those skills independently.

Training Wheels: The Scaffolding of Learning

Just as training wheels are used to assist a child who is first learning to ride a bike, is appropriate to provide extensive support when teaching children with disabilities. This support might include:

Structured Learning: Creating a structured environment with clear expectations and consistent routines.
Skill Development: Teaching new skills by breaking them down to their most basic parts and scaffolding instruction so that the student learns how to implement the skill step-by-step.
Guided Practice: Providing opportunities to practice new skills under supervision, using techniques such as "I do, we do, you do."

Taking Off the Training Wheels: Cultivating Self-Reliance

Eventually the child must learn how to ride the bike and the training wheels must come off. Supporting generalization of the skills that have been taught involves:

Gradual Release of Responsibility: Gradually reduce the level of support, allowing the child to take on increasing responsibility of their own learning and daily activities.
Embrace Failure: Accept that everyone falls off of their bike at times and these failures can be valuable learning experiences.

The Temptation to Put the Training Wheels Back On: Addressing Adult Anxiety

Adults have a tendency to remember the challenges that the child exhibited prior to learning the new skill and fear that they will begin to exhibit those challenges again. Due to this fear, they over-support the child to the point at which the child no longer needs to use the new skill because the parent is doing the skill for the child. It is important to remember that the child has learned something new and needs the space to practice and implement the skill independently.

Adult anxiety that results in over-support often stems from:

Fear of Failure: Fear that the child will struggle or fail without constant guidance.
Desire for Control: A need to maintain control over the child's experiences and outcomes, shielding the child from negative consequences or discomfort.

Examples of over-support include:

Constant Reminders: Continuously reminding the child of deadlines and responsibilities.
Excessive Assistance: Providing excessive help with tasks the child is capable of completing independently.
Micromanaging Social Interactions: Overly controlling the child's social interactions and friendships.
High-Level Accommodations: Creating accommodations in IEPs or 504s as "safety nets" when the child is capable of accomplishing the tasks independently.

To avoid over-supporting, it is important for adults to remind themselves to see the child as they are, not as they were.

Overcoming Over-Support: Empowering True Independence

To foster independence, adults must manage their own anxieties and:

Embrace the Importance of Natural Consequences: Allow children to experience the natural consequences of their choices, such as getting in trouble for late assignments, getting a poor grade on a test due to not studying, or the social consequences of saying something impulsively to a friend. Remember that smooth seas don't make skilled sailors.
Take Advantage of Low-Stakes Situations: Children tend to be in low-stakes environments when they are younger, particularly when they are at the elementary and middle school levels. A failed assignment is not going to impact whether they go to college, friends typically get over disagreements, and being sent to the school office for being late is not going to go on their "permanent record." These are the times when we need to teach students the skills, allow them to use those skills independently, and allow them to fail independently when they make a mistake.
Be Supportive When Failure Occurs: Everyone falls off of their bike occasionally. If the child makes a mistake and receives consequences then adults can:
- - - - Allow the consequences to be implemented.
      - Debrief with the child.
      - Provide the child with guidance and review the skills that the child needs to implement.
      - Monitor the child exhibiting the skill from a distance for a short period of time and provide positive reinforcement when the child exhibits the skills correctly.
      - Fade support and allow the child to be independent again.
Acknowledge Your Own Anxiety: Acknowledge that over-support tends to occur due to adult anxiety about the child's success and trust in the child's ability to learn and grow. In addition, adults should remind themselves that over-supporting often relieves the adult's anxiety at the expense of the child's independence.

Conclusion

While done with the best intentions, over-supporting children can inadvertently result in a regression of independent skills and can ultimately result in dependence upon the adults and feelings of shame and doubt. Remember that the ultimate goal of providing supports for a child is to eventually fade out those supports and allow the student to function independently.

Fostering independence in children with disabilities requires a delicate balance between support and challenge. By gradually reducing adult responsibility, embracing mistakes as learning opportunities, and managing our own anxieties, we can empower children with disabilities to thrive in the "real world."

FAPE Consulting specializes in providing consultation and training services to both parents and educators. Contact us to learn more about our services.

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